In today's post, I share my journey to pregnancy, where my boyfriend and I went through a miscarriage before getting pregnant again. I honestly and vulnerably share our journey and give concrete tips and tools for how I handled it and how I supported body and soul in connection with it.
For us, it is important to shed light on the subject, not to create fear, but so that you can navigate through the fear and from the bottom of your heart be able to enjoy your next pregnancy. A miscarriage is a loss in the same way as any other loss, which often happens in silence. Talking about the subject is also important from the aspect that we as women often take the blame as it is in our bodies that it happens, but a miscarriage is no one's fault and there is no blame. Given that miscarriage is not talked about much, many people find it a shock to go through the process and all the emotions that can arise. It is not unusual to feel a huge fear, a fear that would not have to be there if information and knowledge were more available and the subject was not taboo.
Pregnancy that ended in miscarriage
We got pregnant the first month unprotected, which was a shock as we thought it would take a few months, but the little soul was so welcome. The gratitude, love and happiness of becoming parents is so great to take in. A few weeks later, that happiness was taken away from us, when we had a miscarriage iv 7. That pain is hard to describe, to experience what you dreamed of and then to have it taken away from you hurts.
Considering our work in Womensync, we meet many women (couples) who go through miscarriage. About 1 in 4 of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Despite being so common, miscarriage is stigmatized, which means that many people go through this process alone. This makes it important to shed light on the subject. Raising the subject is also important to be able to deal with any fear and to be able to embrace the next pregnancy and enjoy it. I know many women who have had a miscarriage who then experience a lot of fear in their next pregnancy which is completely understandable, but an important part for me has been to heal what has been and practice not taking what has been into a new pregnancy .
Before, knowing that 1 in 4 miscarries scared me, but now I see it in a completely different way. Having a miscarriage does not mean that there is something wrong with the body or that it will happen again as the probability of repeated miscarriages is small. Every month (if we ovulate regularly) we release an egg where the quality of each egg varies – some are of better quality and some of worse. Even the sperm can have different quality at different times. It is therefore not uncommon for them to match of a lower quality when a pregnancy occurs. It's natural and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your eggs or your partner's sperm. This is a complex process and is not really something we need to think about very much as the body copes with it gallantly on its own. Sometimes it doesn't go as it should and the body does its job of "pushing" it out, which results in a miscarriage. In other words, it is the course of nature, however painful it may be to go through it. An important dimension when it comes to miscarriage is also that 50% of the cause is the sperm. As a woman, it is easy to take responsibility and feel guilty when it happens physically in our body, but it is no one's fault, no one is to blame for a miscarriage.
Symptoms I experienced at the time of the miscarriage
I had a feeling in my body in the days before the miscarriage where I felt extremely great fear of miscarriage, something I had never experienced before. There was something that didn't feel right in my body in combination with the fact that I felt that the pregnancy symptoms had disappeared. I was at this time wearing an Ouraring which showed that my HRV (heart rate variability) was extremely low (like when I had covid) and my body temperature dropped for about 3 days which was also an indication of miscarriage. The same day as the miscarriage, I had cramps and felt in my whole body that I really wasn't feeling well. Personally, the "measurement" made me more stressed than contributing to something positive. In my current pregnancy, I have not used Ouraring or any other measuring instrument, but instead chose to just be, listen to my body and trust the process. I also think it is important to note that it does not have to be strange if you do not experience very many symptoms, personally I felt in my whole body that something was not right, which at the time was incredibly difficult to bear.
How to cure a miscarriage?
Going through a miscarriage is a loss and how we deal with this loss is highly individual. For many, it is a dream that comes true when you score a plus on the stick and to have that happiness taken away from you hurts indescribably. An insight after the miscarriage was how a miscarriage is a loss both physically and mentally. When I bled out what I had in my body, it left a great void.
In my process of healing from the miscarriage, I read a book called "Living Life" that I love by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. I first read the book over five years ago and I return to it often because of all the wisdom to be gleaned. In one chapter they address how losses are a part of life. Instead of only looking at losses with sadness, there are things that losses bring with them that can make us appreciate life in a completely different way. In the book, they describe how you go through different stages when you suffer a loss. These helped me a lot in my process.
Four common stages in a loss :
- Denial: No this can't happen to us, maybe it's just bleeding and not a miscarriage? (even though I knew in my heart that's exactly what happened)
– Anger/Sadness/Sadness: Why is this happening to us?
- Depression: This is terrible, how are we going to get through this?
- Accepting: We've had a miscarriage, it's okay and we'll get through it no matter what.
A loss can be processed in many steps and you don't have to go through them in exactly this order. Exactly how long it takes to heal a loss is different and you heal it when you are ready. For me, the only way out of the pain was to go through the pain. The one thing I know for sure about losses is that time heals all wounds. You will be whole again.
A nice thing that the miscarriage has brought with it is that I have gained a deep understanding of others who have gone through the same thing. It has also made me humble and grateful for the life and pregnancy that I find myself in right now. I don't take anything for granted and I experience gratitude on a completely different level this time. I believe that one purpose of losses is that they unite us and give us a deeper understanding of each other and life.
How can you support the body after a miscarriage?
Going through a miscarriage hurts, both physically and mentally. For two days it hurt brutally, all I did was cry and it felt heavy to even exist. Right then it felt like the pain would never go away, but in my heart I knew that the pain was "only" temporary, that it would go away. A few years ago I did a ceremony connected to my personal development and in my spiritual journey where I experienced pain and sadness. One of the biggest realizations was that no matter how hard something is, we will feel the light again. We will laugh, feel happiness and feel whole again. Two days after the miscarriage we had an early ultrasound scheduled where the idea was to check the heartbeat, but given the miscarriage we went there anyway to see that I was wet properly and that everything looked good, which it did. This allowed me to exhale and allow the healing process to begin. The sadness came and went but it got easier.
For me, it became important to support my physical body after the miscarriage. In Chinese medicine, people often talk about the fact that a miscarriage can cause a lack of yin and blood , considering that you often bleed a lot. I bled a lot for two days, then it was more like a "normal period" which passed after about a week.
How I supported my body the month after the miscarriage:
- Went for regular acupuncture to balance my yin and blood. I went both here in Iceland and to Doctor Diamantis when I came to Sweden. I also drank Chinese herbs.
- Drink collagen and bone broth to support the body with important nutrients and amino acids.
- Ate a lot of blood strengthening food such as meat and stews to support the body in all the blood I lost. Also focused on eating very hot food to support the body and digestion.
- In addition to that, I rested a lot, slept, hugged my boyfriend and was out in nature. I did activities that made me and my body feel calm. In the days after the miscarriage, we bought a puzzle, which allowed me to focus on something else while being able to screen everything else.
- Also allowed myself to feel all the emotions I felt. The sadness came and went and I allowed all the feelings to take place and be there to finally pass out through the body.
A beautiful thing I read in the weeks after the miscarriage is something called " Microchimerism ". This means that the body retains DNA cells after a miscarriage. DNA from that baby will remain and will be carried along in future pregnancies - they will not leave us. This means that the children you have had or will have will have their sister's or brother's DNA with them. This brought comfort to me and I think it is so beautiful. Most people who have gone through a miscarriage know how deeply affected you are, and I think this makes sense. If you want to read and listen to more about this, check out this clip .
The time after the miscarriage
About 6 weeks after the miscarriage, Oliver and I went to Thailand. I felt very strongly that I needed to let go of everything related to women's health and healing during the journey. Something that is difficult for me considering that it is my job. But two out of five weeks in Thailand I had vacation and was able to disconnect from work. During that time I listened to a lot of spiritual podcasts, read regular books, was out in nature and just being. I really let go of everything that had to do with health.
Two weeks before we left for Thailand, I did a Borrelia and parasite test based on a dialogue with Doctor Diamantis. This as my HRV was low and he was able to link some of my symptoms to Borrelia. On the same day that we went to Thailand, I found out that I had Borrelia and that they also identified two infections you can often get in connection with it, bartonella and babesia. At first I felt "why is everything happening to me at once?". In consultation with Doctor Diamantis, I decided to do, among other things, Ozone Therapy and Hydroblastic Oxygen Therapy as well as Vitamin drops to strengthen the immune system. After this I let go of everything that had to do with health. I worked a lot with affirmations and visualization that I was healthy. To feel healthy in every cell of my body and to believe in it. Many people with Borrelia take antibiotics, herbs or follow the Cowden protocol. After the month in Thailand I decided not to do any of these treatments in consultation with Diamantis. I felt healthy and chose to have complete trust in my intuition.
Feeling trust in the body again after a miscarriage
One thing that I think is inevitable to experience when you have gone through a miscarriage is the feeling of doubting your body. One of my biggest insights after the miscarriage is that we don't need to doubt. The body is amazing and a miscarriage is not about there being something wrong with the body. This is something I think is so important to raise; just because you go through a miscarriage does not mean that there is something wrong with your body or that you will miscarry again.
In today's society, we are fed information that there is something "wrong" with our bodies and that we are not whole as we are. It is as if we are in a mindset that we constantly have to "fix" the body even though there is actually nothing wrong with it. An important part for me in the healing process has been to feel in every cell that I am WHOLE, because I am. There is nothing wrong with my body, there is nothing I need to "fix".
One book that helped me regain my faith in my body was Dr. Joe Dizpena's book: Think Healthy. In the book, he highlights studies done on participants during his event that show that our thoughts can have a strong impact on our physical bodies. Inspired by Joe Dispenza, I did his meditation every morning in Thailand, which helped me shift from fear to love and trust. I also believe that the knowledge from his book helped me heal the infections I had in my body.
When do you ovulate after a miscarriage?
When you ovulate after a miscarriage is highly individual . I bled about a month after the miscarriage. I didn't take my temp or track my cycle after the miscarriage, so I'm not sure if I ovulated that month or if it was just bleeding. My focus in the weeks after the miscarriage was to give the body the right conditions and resources to heal. It is completely natural that it can take a few weeks for the body to ovulate, depending on the week in which you miscarried and if you had any complications. The body is magical and knows what to do. Dare to trust the body's process.
As I also found out just before we left for Thailand that I had a parasite in my gut (this was around November 20 and we left on November 26), I started a treatment for the parasite which resulted in a purge that made me super sick. This, combined with the fact that we traveled to Thailand when I should have ovulated, caused ovulation to be postponed. That month I ovulated on day 20 of my menstrual cycle which was during the time I was undergoing the treatments for my Lyme, Bartonella and Babesia infections in Thailand. I had a strong luteal phase of 11 days that month and got my period as usual in mid-December. At this point I felt very good physically and it felt like the body had finally recovered. I think the combinations of having done the treatments, allowing the body to just be, two weeks vacation, sun, good food and nature did the trick.
How quickly can you get pregnant after a miscarriage?
It is highly individual and can depend on various factors such as when ovulation started again, what week you had the miscarriage and if you get any complications. Some get pregnant the month after while for some it may take months which is completely natural. Important to remember is that the body is magical and does the best it can.
For my part, the focus was not on a new pregnancy, but rather that the body would have time to heal. We obviously raised the subject where we both felt that healing the body was the priority and that what was going to happen would happen when the time was right. We didn't protect ourselves but we didn't "try" to time ovulation.
The miscarriage happened in the middle of October and we got pregnant again at the end of December/beginning of January, which was about 2.5 months after the miscarriage. So this was my second or third ovulation after the miscarriage because I didn't have full control if I ovulated or not the first month after the miscarriage. I am incredibly humbled and grateful that we got pregnant again and that this pregnancy has gone well so far. At the time of writing, I am on iv 14.
What I have learned
If there's anything I've learned during this process, it's to be humble about life but also not to take anything for granted. Instead of looking at life and everything that can happen with fear, to choose to see it with love, to enjoy and feel gratitude for every day we get to experience being here. Although that soul was only with us for a few weeks, it taught me a lot about life and about myself.
It is so easy to focus on the physical body and that it is only about that, but I have faith in something bigger and a realization that landed deep in me was that a pregnancy is also about a third party, a soul that wants to come to this earth when it is ready for us. This journey was not only about us, but also about the soul and when it was ready to come to us. A book that I loved reading during the process and that I can highly recommend is Spirit Babies. Something that has been helpful in my process is the spiritual. It has helped me feel acceptance of what happened, learn to live in uncertainty and have confidence in the course of the process. Divine timing, that everything will happen exactly when it is meant to happen. It is a process that can be incredibly challenging, but for me it has been helpful to have the help of guidance and a belief in something bigger.
Every week we meet women in Womensync who have gone through miscarriage or involuntary childlessness and I know that a month, three months, six months or a year can feel like an eternity when it comes to wanting children. I am humbled that we are now pregnant and keeping my fingers crossed that it goes well. To those of you who have gone through the same, I have such a deep understanding for you and I hope my story can make you feel less alone. You are my role models.
Some tools that helped me on my journey are:
Here are some books, podcasts and Instagram accounts that have been important to me during the process that might be useful for you:
Books
- Imagine yourself healthy: The importance of the placebo effect in healing by Dr. Joe Dispenza
– Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the child you're meant to have by Walter Makichen
- Live in life by Elisabeth Ross-Kubler and David Kessler
- You are a goddess: Working with the Sacred Feminine to awaken, heal and transform by Sophie Bashford
- Set the soul free by Michael Singer
Podcast:
– Super Soul Special: Caroline Myss: Myths and Truths about Healing with Oprah Super Soul Conversations (24/8-2022)
- Michael Singer: Free yourself from Negative Thoughts with Oprah Super Soul Conversations (10/27/2021)
- Michael Singer - magical episode with Oprah Super Soul Conversations (11/5-2022)
- Oprah Winfrey: Broken open with Oprah Super Soul Conversations (20/1-2021)
– Our Pregnancy Journey with The Melissa Ambrosini Show
